Other captions that I just made up now:
I can has a suckout?!?
I is act’n weak wif mah boat

Moar at here.

I just added this one to the site..

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So, I’m plowing along in the Midnight Madness, just about back to the starting stack after a player rivers me twice in 4 hands, I get moved to another table and two hands into that table I get Aces. Sweet, hopefully I’ll get some chips. I’m the first one into the pot and make it a pot sized bet, which the SB calls and the BB re-raises pot again. ‘Sweet..’ I think to myself. I push 450 over the BB’s bet, the SB folds and the BB calls and flips over Aces. Freaking great, wasted aces again. Then the flop is all red. All red hearts. I do not have a heart. The turn brings another heart and 35 minutes into the Midnight Madness, IGH. My shortest ever MM tourney. I usually make it past the second break. Feh.

tags: full tilt, midnight maddness, wasted aces

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The thing about token tournaments that you must remember is that you are not shooting for first, you are shooting for be in the top X players. Twice I was foolish enough to forget this fact and when it was the money bubble, I looked down and saw KK. There was a raise and a reraise in front of me and I pushed. At this time I was the chip leader with over 7500 in chips. Second had a little over 4k. I ran my KK into AA and becase the short stack and ultimately becase the bubble boy. One stupid move cost me a token.

tags: full tilt, funny, token

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I’ve been busy, so I haven’t have much time for poker, but I have been doing OK at the tables.. Played a 6 max Tubro, ala cheapo last night and finished first. With 3 players left, or the bubble, half my stack went to a player that sucked out on me, AT vs A9. The very next hand I’m the BB and he pushes, which was very nice for me, since I had KK, no one improved ant I got my chips back. Two hands later, he’s out, and starts to yell, which I think the caps lock is stuck in the on position on his keyboard, that I’m a donk and even though I have a 3 to 1 chip lead against his pal, his pal would win. Too bad, though, I flopped the nuts while the friend hit top pair and my crappy 79c saw a flop of 568 rainbow. The loot went in after the flop.

Note: Check out Al’s site.. for the little gems like:

I tried the life of a grinder way back in the golden days of Party Poker and god bless those who can do it. You spend all day with 12 tables on your monitor and your willie is going to shrink.

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I feel there is wisdom to be gained from implementing the Teachings of Ti Kwan Leep to poker as I explain below.

Teacher: Approach, students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Ti Kwan Leep. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate upon this wisdom now. So: Aaaaaaooooommm……
Student1 (Ed Gruberman): Uh, sir! Sir! (oo! oo!) Sir!
Teacher: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond?
EG: Me! Ed Gruberman?
Teacher: E-Ed Gruberman?
EG: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nothin’, but, like, uh, how long is this gonna take?
Teacher: Ti Kwan Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.
EG: So like, what, an hour or so?

Ed Gruberman is the classic Donkey. He wants the quick win, make 100x his investment, quickly.

Teacher: No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience.
EG: Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take?
Teacher: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.
EG: A YEAR??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Hah woo yah ooomm!
Teacher: “Beat people up”…?
EG: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozos! That’s all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, ey?

The Donkey has read a few books but hasn’t really retained the most of the information. Likes to slow playing his Aces when there are 5 limpers ahead of him. Since Doyle has won a few events with T2o, he will play similar cards.

Teacher: The only use of Ti Kwan Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher.
EG: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said that? Mel, the cook on “Alice”.

The Donkey is aggressive..

Teacher: No, um…Ti Kwan Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Aaaaoooommm…
EG: Listen, shrimp! All this fag talk is really starting to piss me off. Now, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wapin’ the walls with you?
Teacher: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.
EG: All right! Finally some action!

The Donkey thinks his trap has been set; he is ready to bring in a big pot… re-raises all in preflop with 94o..

Teacher: Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (drunkenly): Owww! You booted me in the head!

The Donkey just got his junk kicked.

Teacher: You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.
EG (quietly, to himself): Ow, oh, my head!
Teacher: Now we continue. Aaaaaoooommmm…
EG: Hey! Hey, I wasn’t ready! Come and get me now shorty, huh? Come on, are ya chicken?

The Donkey didn’t see the Professional coming; he had no idea what to expect. So he reloads and sets another trap.

Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I’m ready, okay, now, come on, try it now.
Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?

The Donkey is out and has reloaded a few times, each time getting his junk kicked, with nothing to show for his donktastic ways.

Teacher: Now class, we shall return to our…
Student2: Master?
Teacher: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student.
Student2: Many apologies, master. But I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong.

There are many forms of a Donkey, but only one name..

Teacher: What do you mean?
Student2: I want to boot some head, too.
Teacher: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?
Student2: Yes, master. I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to one’s opponent.
Teacher: Very good.

This Donkey knows that tilt is bad. Tilt is a weapon to your opponents..

Student2: And secondly, get in the first shot. Boot to the head. (SH-ZOOMP!)

Again the Donkey is correct, taking a first stab at pot may be enough for you to take it down…

Teacher: You missed.

Sometimes making the first stab, if you make a move with crap against a player who based on his playing style could have hit that flop very hard, you dig yourself a hole..

Student2: Uh, yeah. Well…
Teacher: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson…
Student2: You don’t have to, you know. I-I gotta be going…
Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
Student2: (agonizing pain) Oyyy oy oyyyy…. Oh….

Once again, Junk Kicked In..

Teacher: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
Student3: Uh, yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you.
Teacher: You gain wisdom, child.

The Professional player has a lot of experience and more tools than the Donkey…

Student3: So we’ll hafta gang up on ya! Get ‘IM guys!

But even the Professional will have a hard time against a table full of Donkies…

(Teacher throws many ‘Boot to the head!s’ and ‘SH-ZOOMP!s’. There are many people groaning in pain.)
Teacher: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation.
Unison: Aaaaaoooommm….
Teacher: Very good, class.

With focus and patience, the Professional will prevail.

This Donkey is on a road leading forever towards the horizon….

tags: funny, poker

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Via GalwayFirst

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week.
Thomas Aloysius McCarney with an address in south Galway was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage.

Didn’t Full Tilt move it’s offices to Ireland? I mean the story’s based in Ireland and involves a donkey. It’s not that much of a stretch is it?

Yes, I am joking about the link to Full Tilt, but the story is true..

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tags: donkey, funny

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